Mystery Valentine
by Tsubaki's Apprentice
Summary: It doesn't make sense. All things point to his dobe, yet he keeps say he didn't buy him anything. So who the heck bought him the valentine's day present? Part of the MMFH Universe


Yup. It's Valentine's Day, aka. Singles Awareness Day. So I was on wikipedia, (the greatest online encyclopedia ever) and I read the little thing they had on why we "celebrate" Valentine's Day. I also found out a few interesting and amusing facts about how it's **really** suppose to run and so I just had to poke fun at it with my favorite couple. If you want to be less confused I guess I should warn you this, is like a sidefic from the _"Matchmaker from Hell"_ Universe, it may also be a bit of a teaser for the new one I'm gonna do for that universe. Read MMFH first if you don't want to be confuzzled.

* * *

**Mystery Valentine**

"Naruto! I can't believe you! It's already Valentine's day and you haven't given Sasuke a single thing, yet all of his fangirls have gotten him something. I don't know why Sasuke wastes his time with you! You're a horrible boyfriend"

"Sasuke and I aren't into Valentine's day like everyone else. So just give it a rest Ino"

"How can you not be? It's so romantic. And you've got the hottest guy in Konoha for a boyfriend! You should be flaunting it!" Sakura asked shocked.

'**Because on this stupid holiday whoever gives the first gift is officially the **_**uke**_**. I swear if you give him anything I will take over and shred it to pieces. In no way, shape or form will I bottom to anyone. Container or not'**

'But we haven't even gotten that far!'

'**Not yet...he's just waiting for you to submit to him. Us stubborn ones are always the most sought out because males either want a real challenge, or think we'll be the most loyal and submissive after a good rut, which is never necessarily true'**

'Gee. Thanks for the overly descriptive analogy'

'You're welcome!'

"It's nice that you guys care about us and all, but we both have our own rule about giving gifts, so you don't have to worry about us. I'll see you around. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure Naruto. You guys have a good Valentine's day"

"Ugh. Naruto is so stupid. Doesn't he get that Sasuke always says stuff he doesn't mean?"

"Look Ino, I know how your family has a matchmaking obsession, but can you please stay out of this? I've known Naruto and Sasuke probably longer than you, so I have to warn you that whatever you plan to do, will probably not work or just not go the way you want it to"

"Oh buzz off Forehead. I wasn't going to do a thing!" she huffed.

"If you say so..."

* * *

Sasuke growled when he saw the familiar pile of fowl pink things sitting in front of his gate. It was even more annoying, since practically everyone in the village knew he was in a relationship with the blonde dobe for nearly a year, and yet they _**still**_ gave him this junk. People just don't get it. He was getting ready to use his fireball jutsu when he saw one large package that stood out against the others, perhaps because of it's neon orange color. He smirked, knowing it could only be from one person, his dobe. If possible, his smirk got even bigger once he saw what was inside of it. Leaving the rest of the various gifts there, he walked inside with the orange one. 

He got an odd gleam in his eye as he saw his dobe meditating in the training grounds. He probably was trying to pretend

"Hey teme. You got some stuff outside. I didn't want to disturb it since it wasn't mine"

"There's only one gift I really care about, and thanks dobe. I knew you'd finally give in. And for that I'll give you your reward later"

"What are you talking about? I didn't get you anything"

"Then what's this?" he asked smirking as he showed the blonde the box. Inside was a frilly black french maid's outfit which made Naruto's face heat up.

"Are you kidding me? Why would I buy that for you?

"For our _naughty time_ of course" **(hah! I got that from Demonic Nightmares of an Angel! Everyone read _baka mo ichi-gei_!)**

"As if! That's from one of your ever persistent fangirls obviously. Maybe she wore it for a week before she put it in there"

"There's only one person who'd use this color, moron"

"Well obviously someone tried to make it seem like I would. Why would I give you a gift? I am _not_ gonna be uke!"

"Is **that** why you've ben so skittish every time we try to so something? If it's such a big deal, then I guess we're going to just have to switch once in a while"

"Do you mean it? Or are you just trying to get laid?" he asked skeptically.

'**I'm going with the latter'**

"I mean it dobe. We'll switch if you have to be such a baby about it. You can be seme once in a while"

'**Don't believe him! That's what they all say'**

'Shut up Kyuu. You're my witness. So you just wait until he starts strutting around like he owns the place. Then we'll pull a sneak attack and turn the tables on him.

"Fine. It's a deal"

"Well now that we've gotten that all straightened out, do you want to go kill the girls for meddling again"

"It would be my pleasure"

* * *

They soon were at the flower shop and as expected, there was Sakura, outside watering the plants outside of the shop and by the door. She smile and waved when she saw them. 

"Hey Naruto! Hey Sasuke! How are you guys?"

"Don't play dumb. Which one of you did it?" Naruto said not even bothering to answer her.

"What?"

"Someone left me a...suggestive gift, and make it look like Naruto had given it to me. You wouldn't happen to know who did now would you?"

"**Ino!"** she bellowed loud enough for the dirds to hear and flutter away.

"Yeah? What's up?" she asked peaking her head out of the window.

"I told you not to go meddling! Now they're here and ready to make a scene"

"But I **didn't**! At least not_ yet_..." she protested.

"Then how did Sasuke get a present that looked like_** I **_sent it?" Naruto asked angrily.

"It wasn't me I swear! I was just coming by with flowers! That's it!"

"Then who was it?"

"I have an idea...and I think I can show him just how much we appreciate his gift. Come on Naruto. I need some help in my storage room" Sasuke muttered.

"Huh? But we still don't know who sent it! And what do you mean '_appreciate the gift_'? I'm not wearing that so forget it!" he yelled following the raven.

"Just shut up and follow me" he grunted. The brunette boy just continued walking and ignored his boyfriend's constant screaming the entire way.

* * *

_...exactly one month later (March 14th)..._

"Akio-sama! Akio-sama! You have a gift!"

"What is it Suichi?"

"I don't know. But it has the Uchiha crest on it!"

"Throw it away then. I want nothing to do with **either** of them"

"Are you sure? It has very...interesting gifts inside"

"Really. Then I guess I'll have to see" he said excitedly. He snatched the box away and tore threw, it letting the scraps fall onto the floor. Then he uncovered a series of pictures with the now eldest Uchiha, inside the shower and then turning around and chasing the person with the camera out. They all had a good amount of nudity in them which made his face turn red.

Sir, there's a note inside. It says_ 'a little something to hold you off for a while'_. What does that mean?"

"Never mind. You can leave" he said quickly.

"But what about the pictures. Should I dispose of them?"

"**No**...I'll do something with them" he said trying to hide his now bleeding nose. Suichi only smirked before walking out.

**The End...or is it?**

* * *

**Suichi: **So I can keep these now...right? 

**Tsubaki:** Hell no! These are mine bitch!_**You**_ go bribe Sasuke to take pictures of his brother naked. I'll have you know, it is not easy! (Snatches them away)

**Sasuke: **Yeah! And I was scarred for life!

**Suichi:** Then how'd you get him to?

**Tsubaki:** Ancient Chinese Secret, my young grasshopper

**Suichi:** So...what do I have to do for more (whisperes to Sasuke)

**Tsubaki**: Tell him, and no more Naru-chan (Sasuke's eyes widen)

**Suchi:** Hey no fair!

**Tsubaki**: I'll make a deal. Do what I told you to and I might give you one (Suichi sighs)

**Suichi:** Everyone go review pretty please. Especially so I can get my 'Tachi-porn back!

**Tsubaki:** Not yours! Mine! All mine! Mwhahaha! (runs away, Suichi follows)

**Sasuke:** So yeah. Go review..._losers_...


End file.
